Posted by TLD on August 07, 19101 at 15:55:32:
In Reply to: Tough situation......NEED HELP! posted by Callie on August 07, 19101 at 11:08:40:
This is always tough. I *have* been through something similar: I got engaged July 2000 and am getting married in two weeks; my brother got engaged in August 2000 and got married July 7 - seven weeks before my wedding. We stressed over this a little in the beginning but it has been just fine. In fact, I had a lot of fun planning a wedding at the same time as my now sister-in-law. My parents have had a ball with two wedding in one year - lots of parties, lots of fun - it's really been a year to remember. I think it's ridiculous for your mom and sis to make you wait til 2003. ESPECIALLY since you have secured a site and church. JMHO. You made the best decision you could on the information you had. You're already waiting a year and a half to get married - that is long enough! Even with a large percentage of our guests traveling from across the country, it has not been a problem for my family in the least. Let me pass on a few tips that helped us get through two weddings in two months:
- try not to compare. my wedding will be more expensive than my bro's, but that is just the way things worked out. I just always emphasize that they are two different weddings for two different people. your guests won't care how much money you spend - they're there to spend your special day with you. make it your day and don't worry about what your sis is doing.
- be the bigger person. at one point my sis in law and I realized we had VERY similar taste in flowers - in fact, we basically wanted the same bouquet. She hinted to me that I should get something different. I was kind of annoyed, but just changed my bouquet a little so it doesn't match hers exactly. It was NOT a big deal and not worth going to the mat for. If your sis throws a fit and says you can't have pink bridesmaid dresses or you can't use daises cause she is, remember that in 20 years you absolutely will not care and compromise if need be. It is beter than squabbling over what should be happy times for both of you. You'll be glad you did.
- be the bigger person 2: be the one to ask her about her wedding plans, and don't mind too much if she doesn't ask about yours. expect that your wedding MAY not get as much attention until after your sis's is over. explain to your mom what you will need from her in terms of planning help and don't freak out if she isn't getting excited over every little detail. she will after your sis's is over anyway. My SIL hardly asked about my wedding, but now that hers is over she wants to help and enjoy all the fun all over again.
- agree to understand, if you have a large percentage of guests traveling, that there will be some people who can't make it to both. that was the biggest obstacle for my family - what if Aunt Susie can't travel to both? my bro and I just agreed, well, I won't get mad if she comes to your wedding and not mine. in the end all major relatives have been wonderful and made two trips. you never know. yours are six months apart so you're even less likely to have this problem than we were.
So, I hope you can explain to your mom and your sis that you already have deposits down and are not willing to change, but that you believe that one wedding will not take away from another. My family has had so much fun. It was fun going to my bro's wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and one, thinking about my own wedding coming up and getting all excited about it, and two, seeing all our family and family friends and saying "see you next month, let's do this again!" I believe it can work. Good luck to you.